October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, hence a perfect time to remind ourselves about the need to continue to spread the word to create a violence free community, and also help victims regain freedom from their abusers.
This specific post was influenced by a post that I came across on my Facebook timeline, shared by Esther Ijewere, the Editor in Chief of Women of Rubies and the national coordinator of Walk Against Rape, Nigeria.
The post entitled, Chris Attoh and the Entitlement mentality of African Men” by Gabriel Olatunji-Legend reiterated one of the points that I usually make whenever I presented on the subject of domestic violence and its intersection with human trafficking.
I particularly liked a statement, that I have turned into a quote by Gabriel Olatunji-Legend. It stated: “It takes a man that is ready to die for her and a woman that is ready to submit to such a die-hard man” to make a successful marriage.
Unfortunately, Bible quotes and cultural beliefs are used to keep a woman in a domestic violence relationship. The man, as Olatunji-Legend rightfully puts it, feels entitled, forgetting that the woman is equally a human being with a fundamental human right just like him.
You even have the cycle of abuse going from generation to generation where mothers tell their daughters that marriage is like a, “School where you go to, but never graduates from, and where whatever is done to you, either good or bad, must remain a secret that you must not share, even with your own family members, talkless of outsiders.” For better understanding, let me rephrase this in my Yoruba language, “Ile oko, ile eko ni. Ohun ti oju re ba ri ni’be, ko fara mo ni. Eti keji ko gbodo gbo o.”
Starting from the Bible, as quoted by Chris Attoh, it does not only give instruction to the woman but also the man. Unfortunately, Chris forgot to quote the part meant for the man to tell whether he was sincere and did his part as a man has been required to do according to the Bible. You can read the Bible verse in Ephesians 5: 22 & 25:
“22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord….25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;….”King James Version (KJV) Bible Gateway.
As you can read in the scriptural verses above, the Bible gave instructions to both the woman and the man. It is however, surprising that men from some cultures focus only on the “submissive part of the woman” rather than on the “love part of the man and giving of his life for the woman.”
I think that when we read this kinds of statement from a man, there is evidence of violence in the relationship. He has shown control in the way he negotiates in a relationship, rather than working as partners, and giving equal respect in order to have a violence free relationship.
This kinds of stories bring me back the memory lane when I was suffering as a victim of human trafficking and domestic violence. One of the manipulative ways used to keep me silenced was the same phrase that a woman must be submissive to her husband, and I was asked to kneel down and beg when I was the one being abused.
Imprisoned: The Travails of a Trafficked Victim was first published in 2009, and it is still a very relevant text today, eight years after. That is why I have published a second edition that does not alter any of the chapter, but included discussion questions for students, teachers, service providers staff, law enforcement, book clubs, and several other groups, who are interested in educating themselves about the subject of domestic violence and human trafficking, specifically labor trafficking.
You can pre-order your kindle version here.
Thank you for reading. Kindly leave your questions, comments, and suggestions below. Until next time.
Bukola
ALL Made it to an International Best Seller
It’s been about two weeks now, since ALL made it to an international best seller status, when it ranked number one on Amazon.com in four countries, and was in top 20 in at least six countries. In case you are wondering, what ALL is, it is the acronym for my newly released book, “A Living Label: An Inspirational Memoir and Guide.” So far, the book has been downloaded over 1000 times on Amazon.com and has a 5.0 rating in the memoirs and nonfiction category on www.amazon.com.
“A Living Label: An Inspirational Memoir and Guide” is not my first book. In fact, it is my fifth book, but a sequel to my first memoir, Imprisoned: The Travails of a Trafficked Victim. Although, it is not my first published book, it is the first that I have put so much marketing effort into before and after its release. In doing this book, I also used a lot of help. I will always be grateful to all those who wrote pieces of contents in the book, and my editors, who took the time and effort to help me carry my message in a clear and concise manner.
My primary goal with this book is to beam attention on the need for survivors’ economic empowerment, and that is why I have decided to lead the way by donating 100 per cent of the proceeds from this book to help survivors with their education or businesses, starting with 100 survivors.
Why survivor empowerment important
Survivor Empowerment is important because survivors want to move on with their lives. They want to reintegrate back into the community. They want to aspire to contribute their expertise to their various communities and beyond. They want to be seen as regular human beings. They want to be economically independent. However, if survivors cannot take care of their primary needs as a result of financial instability, it will be more challenging to fully contribute their expertise as experiential value. As subject matter experts, they can also be financially independent.
Now that ALL Made it to an International Best Seller…. What You Can Do
If you have downloaded your copy for free during the promotional period on Amazon.com or have purchased a copy, thank you so much. Please, take a minute to write a review on Amazon here. If you are yet to do so, kindly show your support for survivor empowerment by donating $21.99 today for a copy a from The Enitan Story or go ahead to buy a copy from Amazon or Lulu.
Calling on Survivors Wishing to Write Their Books
Are you a survivor wishing t write your own book? You can make your wish a reality. Get in touch and let’s talk about getting your message to the people are are going to benefit from the valuable information your book will provide.
You are not a survivor, but you also want to do your book, register today for the Empowerment and Hope Summit coming up in February and start taking advantage of all the value I have put together for people like you, including access to a step-by-step guide on how to get your book on #1 Amazon Best Seller list, which will be available to registrants at no cost.
Thanks for reading. I hope to talk to you again through my blogs. If you have questions, comments or suggestions, please, send me a note – fill out the contact form. I want to hear from you. You can also get my recent posts by signing up to receive updates.
Bye for now, until next time.
PS: Join me every Monday on YouTube for Monday Motivation with Bukola.
An international presentation in video
This is an international presentation in video request that I received some weeks ago via Facebook. My sincere gratitude goes to the End-Time Helpers Ministry in Lagos, Nigeria for contacting me to give a presentation at their one day seminar today.
I have presented at several churches over the years about human trafficking, but this is my first presentation at a church event where I had to actually open the Bible for my illustration.
My topic focused on “Overcoming Financial and Academic Challenges” because I was told that the event was for the youth, although, there were various ago groups present at the event.
Thanks to my sister and coordinator in Nigeria, Anuoluwapo Ogunmola, she represented me at the event. My dress was also designed by her through her company, House of Fancy.
Overcoming Financial and Academic Challenges
I shared three ways to “Overcoming Financial and Academic Challenges, using the story of Isaac in Genesis 26: 1 – 35. The three ways are:
- Maintain a silent spirit: According to Norman Vincent Peale, practicing 15 minutes of silence daily can help you get direction in your challenges or answers to your questions.
- Look for opportunities: Challenges are avenues for creative opportunities. Rather than feeling sad about a challenges, pay attention to the opportunity that might be available in that challenge.
- Don’t give up: I read a quote while recording my weekly motivational show on YouTube called, Monday Motivation with Bukola. I read a quote from Brainy Quotes that says, “our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time,” (Thomas E. Edison). From, Edison’s quote, you will realize that giving up is a great challenge to human kind. So, to overcome any type of challenge, whether it is financial, academic, or any other challenge for that matter, the solution is not to give up.
You can watch the video below.
Remember, the month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Reach out for help or help someone to reach out for help today. Call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
If you haven’t already done so, join me to support survivor empowerment with my book, A Living Label today. Buy your copy here. Together, we can empower survivors of human trafficking, domestic violence, sexual assault, and Female Genital Mutilation (FMG).
Thanks for reading. I hope to talk to you again through my blogs. If you have questions, comments or suggestions, please, send me a note – fill out the contact form. I want to hear from you. You can also get my recent posts by signing up to receive updates.
Bye for now, until next time.
Congratulating Kehinde Oluremi Banwo
I am writing this post to congratulate Kehinde Oluremi Banwo on his award as one of the recipients of the 2016 Trafficking in Persons Hero. Banwo was awarded recently at the launch of the 2016 Trafficking in Persons Report by the U.S. Department of States. Banwo is the founder of an NGO in Russia who helps victims of sex trafficking in Russia return to their home country.
I connected with Banwo and was introduced to some of his efforts when he signed up to my mailing list and became an active member on the list. Sometimes, Banwo responded to my emails to the group. I received his first email on February 7, 2016 after sending out an email with the title, “I have Just been thinking….” His response showed someone working on the issue in Russia and willing to collaborate with other individuals and organizations to combat this crime in Russia.
His email read:
Dear Bukola,
I am delighted to read your story and share your experience in assisting and empowering human traffic victims. I am following up your activities to be able to tap from your teaching on how to assist human traffic victims in getting them freedom and further empower them to start new life. I am in Russia where we have over 15 000 victims in modern day sex slavery trafficked from developing African countries, Asia and Cuba. I am focused on Nigerian girls brought mostly from Edo States, who on arrival discovered the truth of life and want to get freedom or liberated from their exploiters and probably return home to start a new life. The challenges are great and from your story, I learnt some lessons and understanding of technical approach to some of these problems. I would want to partner with your foundation on how to empower ex victims on returning back home. Also see if we can work a preventive model stooping the the young ones from been entrapped into human trafficking or sex slavery, such as your education program or seminars at the grass root level in Nigeria or in those countries where victims are been captured into slavery.
I hope to hear from you soonest,
Kenny
I replied to the email and I have since, received other emails from Banwo. One of his emails revealed the story of a victim named Blessing, who was thrown down from a four storey building after being sold for sex. After being rescued, Blessing was deported to Nigeria on a wheel chair, as the Russian government was allegedly not supportive in helping survivors get adequate services. I was devastated about this woman’s story and always thought about her and her well being. I was happy when Banwo told me in a telephone conversation when he came to the U.S. to receive his award that Blessing is recuperating and now doing well after getting medical attention in Nigeria.
Banwo was elated for his award when he sent an email to his colleagues and friends stating, “I am happy to inform you that the US TIP for 2016 was released in Washington DC by the state department. I have been honored as one of the 8 Heros of the year 2016 in fighting against human traffic worldwide.” I was impressed when he continued further stating, “I received the award yesterday and dedicate it to all survivals rescued and assisted from Sex slavery in Russia.”
Indeed, Banwo is one of the many advocates who cared about the clients that they provide services to in the human trafficking movement.
Once again, congratulations Kehinde Oluremi Banwo. I look forward to working with you in the future.
To read the 2016 TIP Report, click here.
Thanks for reading. I hope to talk to you again through my blogs. If you have questions, comments or suggestions, please, send me a note – fill out the contact form. I want to hear from you. You can also get my recent posts by signing up to receive updates.
Bye for now, until next time.
The giraffe and a turtle
The giraffe and a turtle is a story that I am drawing from personal experience. I am writing this story with the hope of helping someone, especially a victim of human trafficking or domestic violence.
In many instances, victims do not speak out because of the fear of being blamed or judged. When I decided to put my face to my story, I knew that I was going to be blamed and judged. Considering the community that I came from, it is even worse to speak up. There is so much more that I want to say, but I will reserve for my upcoming book, A Living Label. Become an Insider if you want to read more directly from the book before it launches in the fall.
However, I defied the opposition. I took a step that many will not take. And, I took the shame for many who have gone through similar experience but are not willing to declare publicly because of stigma. In fact, stigma is only one part of the agony that a survivor will have to live with. Subtle threats, unspoken threats, and false accusations are a few of other dilemma that a survivor like me live with in my community. Sometimes, I wonder whether I can call certain people around me friends or family members as a result of insensitive comments and ignorance.
Few days ago, a friend encouraged me with a YouTube video from Bishop T.D. Jakes. In the video, Bishop Jakes used the analogy of the turtle and the giraffe to provide encouragement. I must confess that the video was timely. I was encouraged and even used it as a topic in a virtual support group that I host on Facebook yesterday morning.
I have listened to the message by watching the video several times. I also found shorter versions of the video, which I watched. I thought that I could encourage someone else with this message. Hence, the reason for this article.
As a way of paying it forward, I will like to encourage you today, if you feel blamed and accused unjustly. Just like Bishop Jakes suggested, perceive of yourself as a giraffe and your accusers as the turtle. The giraffe eats on the trees while the turtle eats on the floor. See yourself rising above your tragedy. Seek for help among people that will provide solace to you.
Interesting facts about the giraffe and turtle
I did a Google search on giraffe and turtle. I stumbled upon interesting facts about the giraffe. In fact, I learned that the giraffe is the tallest mammal on earth. More so, a baby giraffe is taller than an adult human being.
My findings became more fascinating when I learned that a baby giraffe can run very fast only 10 hours after birth. The turtle on the other hand has been around for over 200 million years, however, it can neither run as fast as the giraffe nor grow taller than a human being.
Bishop Jake’s video was his own personal experience with accusers. Without giving away the story, I will like to share the video below.
If you have an experience or comment you want to share, kindly share it below.
Thanks for reading. I hope to talk to you again through my blogs. If you have questions, comments or suggestions, please, send me a note – fill out the contact form. I want to hear from you. You can also get my recent posts by signing up to receive updates.
Bye for now, until next time.
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